you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
