Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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