i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
