like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
