I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
