singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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