apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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