i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
