Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
