U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
