im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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