you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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