Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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