I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
