You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize