i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
