yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
