ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
