you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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