Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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