you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
