I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
