Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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