you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
