Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
