Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
