just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
