But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize