i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
