i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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