I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
that is very illegal...i love you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
