So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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