I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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