I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
