To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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