On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
