I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
