i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
