what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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