Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
