On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
