HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
