My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
