I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize