a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
