dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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