Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
