what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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