well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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