i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
