1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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