Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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