there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have aggressive nipples.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
