I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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