so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
