Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
