so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
