it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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