eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
