So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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