i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
