If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
