my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
