Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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