"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
