Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize