He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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