i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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